As I mentioned, I turned 30 last week! It was a great few days spent with family and friends. After eating one too many slices of red velvet birthday cake (my favorite!), I started thinking about the past 3 decades. So much has changed over time and so many lessons have been learned. I know ’30 things I learned before turning 30′ posts are very common out in the blogosphere, but I decided it would be a fun post to put together. So, I started thinking, and very quickly, many things popped into mind. While I am still a work in progress (we all are!) and I’m sure I still have plenty to learn, here are 30 things I learned before my 30th birthday, in no particular order.
1. Following your passions is sometimes not the easiest decision, but it’s the best decision in the end. What a lot of you might not know is that I went to 3 different colleges. I started at the University of Miami (Go Canes!) and spent my Freshman year there. However, about midway through that year, I realized something just didn’t feel right. I had a hell of a time at UM, but it’s not what I had envisioned for school. I ended up transferring to UMASS Amherst for my Sophomore year, but then realized halfway through that year that I wanted to be in fashion. (I worked at Intermix in Miami my Freshman year, and I was VERY much into all things fashion at this point). Why I transferred to UMASS? Still not quite sure, but it was a great college town, a big college campus, things I was looking for in my school. Well, ultimately, after realizing fashion was my passion (sorry for the rhyme!), I stumbled upon Lasell College in Newton, MA, right outside of Boston. They had a great Fashion Merchandising program, and that’s where I ended up going and graduating from. It wasn’t necessarily easy to transfer twice, but I knew that was my passion and that’s what I wanted to do, so I did it, and never looked back. One of the best decisions I ever made was going to Lasell.
2. Time truly heals all, including a broken heart. If you’ve read my book, you saw I wrote about a breakup I went through years back. I know we all experience break ups. I know I’m not the only one. However, I will venture to say my breakup was oh so brutal. I mean REAL brutal. When I was in the thick of this breakup, I didn’t think I’d ever come out of it. I didn’t think I’d ever be OK. I really was in a bad place, and through it all, I couldn’t see that ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ Well, lo and behold, I did come out of it and I was ok. Time truly does heal all, and sometimes it’s hard as hell to be patient and believe that, but it’s something I’ve learned. Just give it time.
3. People will come and go in your life, but those who stick around through it all are the ones worth holding onto really really tight. Throughout life, you’re going to meet a lot of people. Some will become friends and some won’t, but those that are with you through it all are the ones who truly matter. When going through the aforementioned breakup, I was in a dark place. I wouldn’t have wanted to be my friend. I was not fun to be around. However, I had some friends who supported me, consoled me, and were there for me day in and day out, even when I just wanted to be alone, and I will never forget that. These friends of mine are some of the best people I’ve ever met in my entire life.
4. Therapy is a really great thing. I’ve talked about therapy before on FPTP. I’m a big proponent of therapy. I’ve seen therapists for the past 10 years, and damn proud of it! To be honest, I think every human being should be required to see a therapist. Whether or not you think you ‘need’ it, therapy is simply the best. We can all use a sounding board, an objective opinion, and a great listener in our lives.
5. Medicine can actually be your friend. Just like you might take Advil to help with a headache, you might take Zoloft to help with your anxiety. I’ve suffered with anxiety for the past 10 or so years. For the good majority of that time, I wouldn’t take medicine for it. I struggled through a couple panic attacks, I tried to help myself breathe through the anxious moments, and I, of course, saw therapists. At first, I didn’t want to take medicine because, to me, that would show that I actually had a ‘problem,’ that this was actually a thing I had to deal with (even though, I knew I was already dealing with it). And then I wouldn’t take medicine because I had anxiety about taking the medicine and what it would do to me (yes, anxiety about taking medicine which would help with anxiety…!), BUT finally I did it. I took the medicine, and it’s changed my life. I’m not sure why I didn’t take it before. Having anxiety is not good for you – mentally, emotionally, physically (think high blood pressure, racing heart, and so on), so just like you would take Advil if your head hurts, why wouldn’t you take anxiety meds to help with your anxiety. YAY Zoloft!
6. Family (and friends who become like family) is truly everything. When you’re little, sometimes the ‘cool’ thing to do is not have your mom walk you into school or not have your dad be seen as he drops you at your friend’s house. As you get older, family becomes the most important thing. I’ve mentioned before how my family doesn’t all live in Texas where I am, and to be honest, it sucks. However, the times we are all together are some of the most special moments of my life. Cherish your family.
7. A positive attitude can make all the difference in the world. Sometimes it can be hard to have a positive attitude when the going gets tough, but I’ve learned that you have to force yourself to find the positive. Dig deep. Even in the hardest of times, if you find that silver lining (even if its just a tiny little one), it will help. Looking at life with a ‘glass half full’ attitude makes everything easier and simply better. Negativity is TOXIC.
8. If staying in and binging on Netflix shows and indulging in pizza and wine is what you’d rather do than go out and be social some nights, that’s perfectly fine. There have been times where I’d force myself to go out or periods of time in my life where I was all ‘go go go.’ Many of the times I wanted to, but some of the times I just felt I had to go out. But then I realized I don’t have to do anything. If I want to stay in one night, watch a PLL marathon while eating my body weight in cheese, then so be it.
9. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Nourish that. Be kind to yourself. And all the other relationships in your life will truly benefit. Taking care of yourself is so important. It’s not a selfish thing to focus on yourself. If you don’t focus on yourself and be the best you can possibly be (mentally, emotionally, physically) then how will your relationships flourish and your career and everything else in your life? You can’t begin to take care of others unless you’ve taken care of yourself (Put on your oxygen mask first and then assist others…). And be KIND to yourself. Would you ever say to your friend ‘you’re gross.’ NO! So why the hell would you say it to yourself?
10. Be comfortable to be alone with just your thoughts. Relish in ‘me time’! It took me a good amount of time to finally be comfortable just being on my own, with my own thoughts, in my own company. Back to #8 – there were times I’d be ‘go go go’ without ever stopping to breathe, but as time went on, I can’t tell you how much I LOVE (and need) my ‘me time.’ Having learned to be comfortable with my own thoughts doing my own thing has really been a great thing for me.
11. FOMO is real, but it’s all in your head. I had a stint with FOMO, oh yes I did. It was soon after I moved back to Texas from NYC. I would see all my NY gals hanging out, having fun, living it up in the Big Apple, and here I was down in Texas. It’s not that I didn’t want them to have fun, but I just wanted to be apart of it! As time went on, FOMO just didn’t become a thing in my life anymore (maybe I have Zoloft to thank for helping in that). So, yes FOMO is real, in that many people will have the feeling here and there, BUT it’s also just in your head. Your friends aren’t going to forget about you or decide all of a sudden on that one night out that they don’t want to be your friend anymore; it sounds silly when you really think about it. Some of your friends are hanging out and you’re not there. So what? You’ll catch them next time!
12. JOMO is also real. Sometimes I feel JOMO (joy of missing out) because I’d much rather be doing #8, and being social is just not in the cards for me on that particular evening. So, yeah, JOMO is totally a thing.
13. Great conversations make everything better. For me, a great conversation can help anything. Some of my favorite moments in life have surrounded a great conversation. And I’m referring to those long ones that take up hours of your day or night, and it feels like no time at all. They don’t have to be hours long to be great, but in general, a great conversation is a key to my heart!
14. You’re given only what you can handle. I believe each and every one of us is given what we can handle, and only what we can handle. While it might not seem that way at first, deep down in my bones, I feel if you couldn’t handle it and you’re not strong enough to do so, you wouldn’t have been dealt that card. Like I said, it can be hard to see it this way, but give it a think for a second. It helps.
15. Cooking will never be my best friend, and that’s OK. I’ve tried. I’ve dabbled. I can cook some basics (sort of), but it’s just not my thing. I don’t really enjoy cooking, and I’m honestly not that great at it (I’m great at heating things up, though!). Maybe one day I’ll get more into it, but if not, that’s OK.
16. Surround yourself with people who lift you higher, and distance yourself from those who bring you down. As I said in #7, negativity is toxic. Distance yourself from the people who bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself or make you question your decisions. Surround yourself with only those who lift you higher, make you feel good, help to put a smile on your face. Life is too short to be in the presence of negativity. It can be hard to distance yourself from someone who has been a close friend of yours for a while, but if their negative energy is putting a damper on your day and your life, then you’ve got to move on.
17. Even if you don’t want to go to the gym and break a sweat, go anyway, because you’ll always feel like a million bucks afterwards. I know I’m far from the first person to say this. You read it everywhere, and it’s true. You’ll never regret having gone to the gym. A while back I really didn’t like working out. But as time went on, I began to love it. It’s a lifestyle to me. Going to the gym is just part of the schedule. It’s necessary for so many reasons. Even though I do enjoy working out now, there are, of course, still some days I’m not in the mood or I’m too tired. However, when I push myself to go, I ALWAYS ALWAYS feel so amazing afterwards.
18. I’m actually a homebody. I love being home. While I absolutely love love love being social and seeing my friends and such, there is nothing like being in the comfort of home. I feel all warm and cozy inside when I’m home. Years back I NEVER would have said ‘I’m a homebody,’ but these days, oh yes I am.
19. I’m also a borderline introvert. For the majority of my life I would say I’m 100% an extrovert. I’m very outgoing, love to talk, and love people, BUT as I got older I really also LOVED doing my own thing (see #8 and #9). By definition, an introvert is a shy, reticent person. While I’m not shy, many times my batteries get recharged from ‘me time,’ as opposed to going out with others. I say I’m a borderline introvert because I really fall into both the extrovert and introvert categories, but it’s interesting to see how, over time, things have changed.
20. Material items don’t matter. Nice things are great, but they are not necessary. At all. At the end of the day, the important things are your health, happiness, and solid relationships with family and friends. Nice things are luxuries, and while they can be fun and great, the happiness they bring is only fleeting. That new ‘it’ bag is JUST a bag. Money does not buy happiness.
21. Friendships will change, and it can be hard when they do, but realizing it and accepting it and understanding it’s simply natural will help, and again, it’s OK. It’s impossible to stay close friends with every single person you’ve ever been friends with in your lifetime, especially if you (or your friends) move around. I’ve moved quite a bit, and I’ve met tons of people along the way, lots of acquaintances, friends, and some very best friends. As time has gone on, I’ve sadly realized it’s just not possible to remain just as close with every person I’ve ever known. There are not enough hours in the day. Over time, some of my friendships have changed quite a bit, and it was VERY hard for me to deal with this initially, but I soon realized it’s really OK. I still love these people, we’re still on great terms, we just might not be as close as we once were. It is what it is and that’s life.
22. Everyone will have an opinion, but ultimately, you do you. I’ve come to learn that everyone has an opinion. Sometimes it’s great to hear others’ thoughts and opinions, but other times, I’ve learned to just block it out. Unless the decision directly affects someone and needs to be brought to their attention, you need to simply do you. Do what’s best for yourself. Don’t be swayed by others’ judgments. You know yourself the best, it’s as simple as that.
23. Sometimes setting boundaries, whether with family or friends, is necessary. In life, there will be people (family members and friends) who cross the line. And if that crossing of the line bothers you, makes you upset, or makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up. The other person might not even realize they are crossing this line, but simply communicating it or acting in a way that will help them to understand, will make all the difference.
24. There will be hard times in life, and you just need to breathe through them and know it’s temporary. Hard times are inevitable. That’s life. There are great, amazing, joyous moments, and some harder, sad, tough times. The great times are easy, of course. It’s the more difficult times that, of course, are really challenging. It can be hard to do this, but while you’re in those less than ideal times, reminding yourself it’s temporary can help. Breathe and tell yourself this too shall pass because it will.
25. Be in the moment and nowhere else. The moment you’re in is all that matters. This is something I’m constantly working on, and sometimes (a lot of the times) it can be very hard for me. However, I’ve learned that being in the moment is oh so necessary. It’s all that matters. The ONLY guarantee in life is the current moment you’re in. Life is short, and you never know what tomorrow might bring, so being in that moment and enjoying it to the fullest is what you need to do. Be present. Be engaged. BE in that moment.
26. Always be grateful and never take anything for granted. Being grateful is incredibly important. Whether it’s saying ‘thank you’ to a stranger who holds the door open for you, or thanking your parents for everything they do for you, or simply being grateful for the life you’re given, gratitude is necessary. I recently started writing in a journal, and each day I write in it, I write what I’m grateful for, from the littlest things to the big things. It’s a great exercise. It can be easy to take things for granted, but when you take a minute to be grateful, it feels good.
27. Meditation and yoga are life changing. I can’t tell you how long I had wanted to start practicing yoga and getting into meditation. Why I didn’t start sooner than I did? Who knows, but wow. To take even just 10 minutes a day for myself to meditate is pretty impactful. And yoga has been just as great for me.
28. Dreams do come true. A dream of mine was to write a book, and as you know, this past November, my first book came out. It was a big moment for me, and it showed me that dreams do come true if you want it badly enough and work your tush off!
29. Start something, stick to it, and finish it…it’s a good feeling. There have been things in my life that I’ve started, worked on for a bit, and didn’t complete. Whether it was because I got too busy or became uninterested or whatever the reason was, it didn’t get done. However, the things I did start and did complete (i.e. – my book, etc), it felt DAMN GOOD. Now I try to make sure to only start projects that I know I’m passionate about and know I’ll want to finish.
30. Everything happens for a reason, even if it takes a while to figure out what that reason is. This was my senior yearbook quote! This has been my favorite little saying for as long as I can remember. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it can take a while to figure out what that reason is, but eventually, it’ll all make sense. So, while sometimes I question why I’m going through something or why something is taking place, I remind myself that it will all make sense soon enough, and for the time being, I try to keep a positive attitude, smile often, and laugh a lot.