I talked about bumps in the road yesterday, and when I wrote that post I wasn’t even thinking it would be going up the day before today’s interview, but it couldn’t have worked out better. Keryl Pesce, Author, Happiness Expert, and Radio Show Co-host, experienced a bump in the road years back, a big bump; a bump that would have made many people totally and completely lose it. In today’s interview, Keryl tells us her story, one that will inspire even the most cynical of people. Her book, Happy Bitch, is one I read a while back, and it still (and I’m pretty sure will always) goes down as one of the most motivational, inspiring books I’ve ever read. We’ve all experienced challenges in our life, and Keryl will show you that it’s all about how you choose to react and respond that will make all the difference in the world.
I am so incredibly inspired by you, Keryl. I actually think we’re soul sisters because I’m ALL about happiness and positivity and I think we have similar missions. What is your mission exactly? And how did you get into this? What inspired you to do so?
My mission simply is that others will feel and live better as a result of my being here, and I look for how I can accomplish that in my daily life, through my writing, speaking and radio shows.
How did I end up doing this? A number of years ago, I walked up behind my husband and heard the words every woman wants to hear her husband say, “I love you.” The only problem was, he wasn’t talking to me. As expected, I was completely devastated. I was angry, bitter, scared to death of what the future held, and my self worth was annihilated. Coming from that place, I pathetically begged him to make it work and take me back. It’s pretty amazing what fear-based actions look like.
As awful as I felt about myself and what had happened, there was a part of me that knew I deserved better. I knew I wouldn’t let what just happened to me dictate the future course of my life. How I chose to respond to what happened was going to do that. While the normal knee-jerk reaction for most people who have been hurt is to hurt back, that wasn’t the route I was going to take. I have come to know for certain that we never advance the state of our lives and happiness by intentionally causing harm or pain on another person. Could I have found ways to make his life miserable? No doubt. Would that serve me, my happiness and my future? Not one bit. Within the first few weeks, I went to him and said “Look, let’s not fight. There’s been enough pain and hurt in this.” He agreed, and we didn’t fight. A few months down the road, after I had moved out, he told me the woman he had the affair with didn’t like that we didn’t fight. He said “I told her if Keryl is as big a person as she is to not want to fight with me after what happened to her, I’m not going to fight with her.”
He defended me to her, and it was one of the most gratifying days of my life. I took control of an out-of-control situation by taking the high road . . . that is coming from a position of power.
In the early stages of this, I had been stuck in the victim mentality, asking “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” And I got ALL those answers. “You aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc.” These questions made me feel worse about myself and powerless over my situation. The defining moment for me that turned things around was asking new questions. I began to ask “What’s next? What do I want now? Where did I settle and am not willing to settle again? What good can come from this? What good can I CREATE from this?” It took my focus off of feeling like a victim and powerless and on the power I did have, which was to act in a way now that would bring me what I wanted in the future. I knew I wanted to be happy again. I knew I wanted to be married again, and married to a guy who called me “baby,” who cooked for me and who spoke highly of me whether I was in his presence or not. Shift your focus, and you shift your results.
Fast forward to today. I am happy. Life isn’t perfect every day, but I am happy. I am married to an amazing guy who calls me “baby,” who cooks for me and who I guarantee you speaks highly of me whether I am in his presence or not. The internal and external transformation for me was so profound that I wanted to capture the lessons learned and share them with other women facing challenge and do so in a way that is fun, warm and conversational. I wrote a book, “Happy Bitch – The girlfriend’s straight-up guide to losing the baggage and finding the fun, fabulous you inside.” When you read my book, I want you to feel as if we are talking, girlfriend to girlfriend over a glass of wine. I own a wine brand by the same name as well. I co-host two radio shows, Happy Hour on Mix 97.7FM and Lighten Up on Q92.1 alongside Jonna Spilbor, a brilliant and hilarious attorney and FOX News legal analyst who has now become a close friend. I get to write and speak to people to help them overcome, challenge, and inspire them to live their happiest lives.
My point is not to brag. There was a time my life was one hot mess. My point in sharing this is so others understand we will not likely get through our adult lives without facing major challenges. But the challenge itself does not dictate the outcome. Our response to it does. And every one of us holds the power to choose how to respond. There are only one of two pieces you need to deal with challenge that will not only influence the intensity and duration, but actually allow you to LEVERAGE that challenge for your benefit.
1 – The belief you hold around challenge. If you believe the difficult experiences you have are a form of punishment, or simply bad luck, you will remain powerless to enact positive change in your life. You will remain stuck, unhappy, frightened. If however, you believe, as I now do, that every challenge we face is an opportunity to grow as an individual and soul and allow you to experience and do that which otherwise would not have been possible, the intensity and duration of suffering will be lessened and you will find the inevitable silver lining.
2 – The power tool – asking the right questions. So long as you ask “Why me? Why did this happen?” you will remain stuck, angry, depressed and powerless. If you can bring out the presence of mind to ask the right questions, you find your point of power. “What’s next? What good can I create from this?” The beautiful thing here is that if the belief is hard to swallow right now, and I get that it may, particularly in the face of a difficult time, asking the right questions will bring new results and ultimately form the belief. They work in a loop. I believe so strongly in this that I developed a free list of 22 Questions That Could Change Your Life. Text HAPPIER to 22828 to get a copy.
Finding a way to use your challenges to create a better life brings meaning to your suffering. And once you do that, you then put yourself in a position to fulfill your purpose even further . . . using them to then impact others and the world around you positively.
What’s your favorite thing about your job(s)? Most rewarding? Most challenging?
My favorite part of the work I do, is when I know a light has gone on for someone and they see themselves or their situation in a different light and as a result, feel better about themselves, their life and their future. I once had a women who attended a live presentation I gave share with me that she was so unhappy in her marriage and was sure she wanted out. I told her that if that is what she felt was necessary to live a happier life, to move forward, but to be sure to do so in a kind and compassionate way. A month later, I spoke with her on the phone, and this is what she said “Keryl, that situation at home I told you about has completely changed, and it’s because I changed me. I love you for that and can’t thank you enough.” I met her once. This is the power of the message I share.
The most challenging part of what I do is the selling and promotion. I do it because I need to, but I honestly don’t love it. I want to create and inspire. But I can’t do that if I’m not reaching people.
What inspires you?
What inspires me? Lifting the spirits of others, leaving them better off than I found them. Even if that is as simple as offering the clerk at a store one of my snack bars because I can tell she is having a bad day, smiling and making eye contact with a stranger, complimenting another on what she is wearing, or standing in front of 900 people sharing my deepest thoughts on how to live a fulfilling and happy life.
I have obsessively studied the areas of human behavior, the Law of Attraction and happiness for over a decade. You could say I’m driven, but honestly, it feels as if I am being pulled. This is why I’m here, and I couldn’t stop what I’m doing even if I wanted to. Good news is, I don’t.
Thanks, Keryl!
Keryl’s video based classes are also a great tool, and she has so generously offered my readers a promo code to enjoy one of the ones currently on the site. It’s titled “Become the CEO of Your Life – How to Put Yourself in the Ultimate Position of Power,” and it’s a series of 12 videos. It is usually $147, but you can currently get it for $50 off with the code JULIE. Enjoy!
Don’t forget to follow Keryl on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
See past interviews here.
If you or someone you know would be great for this series, reach out to me. I’d love to hear from you!