Let me ask you something. And I want you to really think about this.
If something is completely out of your control, and I mean 100% out of your control, as in there’s nothing you can do to change said situation no matter how hard you try, why might you still be worrying about it or stressing over it?
I get it. In my own life, I can think of plenty of times where I don’t have control over something or someone, yet I ruminate over it for hours or days or weeks on end. You’re not alone in this; it happens to all of us. However, just think – how much less anxiety ridden and stress filled would your life be if you only spent your time and energy thinking about things that were IN your control?
What I try to do if I’m confronted with something that is out of my control is to try to understand the situation from the other side. That’s not to say I will necessarily agree with it, but I try to be as empathetic as possible, put myself in their shoes, if necessary. Then, I’ll allow myself a (very short) period of time to think about it, make sense of it, come to terms with it, if needed, and then push it out of my head and move on. I don’t allow myself to think about said scenario again.
I’m not always successful in doing this, but I try my best, and I think that’s all I can ask for. I also try not to be so hard on myself if I happen to ‘slip up’ and ponder an ‘out of my control’ situation longer than I wish I had.
In life, there are highs and lows, ups and downs, and there might be a time where something absolutely hurts so bad and tears you apart, and I’m not saying to ignore the situation, because that’s certainly not wise, but I am saying to deal with it head on, take the time you need to mourn or come to terms with it, but then let it go. The more you think about it, the more you stress about it, the less energy you’ll have to focus on the things that you CAN control.
You can’t control if someone likes you. Yes, you can try to alter your personality or change who you are to please them, but why the hell would you want to do that? All you can do is live your most authentic life possible, and above all, be kind. Stay true to yourself, focus on what’s in your control, and try to forget all the rest.
My dad always says to ask yourself Is this actionable? If not, then move on.
It’s not necessarily easy, but it’s certainly worth it. Again, think of a life with less stress, less emotional clutter, and less anxiety. Sounds heavenly if you ask me! Starting to really try your hardest to solely focus on the things you can control might just be a great place to start. It just might.