Thoughts From My Desk: When Friendships Change

Throughout my life, I’ve moved a lot. I have lived in 7 states (3 of those states more than once), I have gone to 3 different high schools and 3 different colleges. No, I’m not an ‘army brat,’ but the industry my dad was in caused our family to move a lot when I was younger (and the transferring colleges was my decision). Suffice it to say, I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my life. Some of these people were acquaintances, and many of these people were/are dear friends. Due to moving so much, I became quite good, I must say, at keeping in touch with out of town friends. I will say, though, keeping in touch with out of town friends is a hell of a lot easier when you’re younger (but more on that in another post) because all of our very full schedules get in the way, along with time zone differences, and the game of phone tag becomes quite prevalent. I’m not sure if it’s because of this (not so) fun game of phone tag, because some of us haven’t seen each other in a long time and we’re not physically in each other’s day to day lives, or what the reason is, but I feel as though some of my friendships from places I’ve lived have slowly started to fade. My chest tightens as I say that.

While it’s been very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that friendships do change and some slowly fade, I’ve also started to accept it. It’s close to impossible to keep up with every single person you’ve ever been friends with (at least in my case, I feel, having moved so much). And it’s not that I choose who I’m going to keep up with and who I’m not going to keep up with. In fact, it’s not a strategic decision at all. It happens naturally, and you realize as time goes on, the friendships that remain the same and just as strong are the ones that don’t require much effort, the ones that feel natural, the ones that even if you play phone tag for 4 weeks straight, when you do talk, it feels as though nothing has changed at all, and when you do see each other in person, it’s like no time has gone by. Those are THE friendships. The ones to hang onto.

If you’ve gone through or are going through something similar, where you have friendships that have faded or are fading, don’t worry so much. It’s normal and it’s bound to happen in your adult life. Unless your full time job is keeping up with people in and out of your city (sign me up!), it’s not possible to talk to everyone all the time. It’s just not. There are, unfortunately, not enough hours in the day.

You might even have a best friend who keeps in touch with old friends of yours who you don’t keep in touch with as much anymore. That’s ok, too. Don’t ever compare your friendships to someone else’s. There is no point in doing so because everyone is different, and every relationship is far from the same. Don’t be so hard on yourself (I’m talking to myself now, too) if some of your friendships change. Be kind. Be nice. Be loyal. Be thoughtful. If you are all these things and you do the best you can, that’s all that can be done. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how many times you call up your friend, how many conversations you have, the closeness just might simply fade away. And that is ok.

Whether it’s an old friend, a new friend, a friend I talk to on the phone daily, weekly, monthly, only via text, only via Instagram – they’re all friends, all in different ways, and I care for each and every one of them.

Next time you feel a friendship starting to fade, take a good hard look at it. If it’s happening naturally and not because of anything in particular, then try not to stress too much about it, and realize, as you get older, this can happen, and you’re not alone. And you’re pretty darn fabulous, too.

#BFFAEAE

feature image via fashion gone rogue