My Weight Gain and Weight Loss Story

Boy oh boy. This might be a bit of a long one so grab your Diet Coke, coffee, or wine (for me, it’s, of course, Diet Coke then wine) and get comfy.

I first want to say I kind of feel like a total a-hole even writing this post about my “weight loss journey,” but it’s been requested many times and so here I am! Please know that nothing I’m saying is intended to come off as “douchey” and this is just my story, my experience, and what has worked for me. I’m hoping this serves as inspiration for those who want or need it and sheds even more light into my story.

And finally, before we really get into it, a disclaimer: I am NOT a registered dietitian or nutritionist or wellness coach in any way, shape, or form. Always seek guidance from a licensed professional before starting any sort of new regimen. And if you’d like a recommendation on a licensed professional in this arena, my favorite is Ilyse Schapiro, who is an incredibly educated, talented, and knowledgable Registered Dietitian.

Ok, here we go…

Growing up, my weight never really affected me all that much. I was pretty “lean” as a young girl and stayed that way probably until high school. As I started, you know, becoming a woman (haha!), I got curvier. I legit had to start wearing a training bra in the 4th grade and I remember being so embarrassed in the lunchroom at Shlenker School because you could see the outline of the bra through my white polo shirt we had to wear with our uniform. Hi, boobs! I didn’t really concern myself with losing weight until my senior year of high school. I wasn’t “overweight” by any means, but I wasn’t the weight I wanted to be, so I started seeing a nutritionist when I lived in Chappaqua, who I LOVED so much. I worked with her through the end of my senior year and into summer. I also started working with a trainer at this time. And let me just say I looked fcking good (and I’ll never look that good again ha!!). Between the trainer, the nutritionist, and not drinking alcohol (because I was 18), I lost weight and fast. I strutted my stuff into the dorms at University of Miami and felt great.

Fast forward to the lovely “freshman 15” (for me it was the “freshman 30+”) and that’s when weight started affecting me. I was miserable. I felt like shit, I didn’t want to go out or do anything. It was bad. And it was a vicious cycle – I was upset I gained all that weight, I’d eat to “make myself feel better,” and I’d gain more weight. And the cycle continued. I was NOT in a good place mentally.

So I started with another nutritionist, eventually lost the weight, and more or less went up and down with weight for years. It was never drastic swings like Freshman year, but there were swings. I didn’t have a diagnosed eating disorder, but I did think about weight often.

For me, personally, if I don’t feel good in my own skin, I’m not in a good headspace. It affects my confidence so greatly. Yes, I still smile and have fun and enjoy life and remain positive, but deep down it’s rough. I know so many women who are so truly confident and happy at any size, and I always envied that honestly. I envied the fact that I couldn’t just be ok with whatever weight I was at. No, I was not looking to be rail-thin, gosh no, and it wasn’t about a specific number on the scale, but it was about how I felt in my clothes and in my skin. And when I didn’t feel good, it felt like everything in my life was affected.

So I’d go up and down for years – I tried Atkins, Weight Watchers, Whole 30 (for a hot minute), so forth and so on. Sure, everything “worked.” Until it didn’t. It worked until I craved whatever was off-limits and then I binged and that vicious cycle reappeared. I also worked with various nutritionists over the years.

Again, I was not “overweight,” but I wasn’t happy in my own skin and I didn’t feel good. When I lost the weight I felt great, and then when I gained it, I didn’t want to get dressed to go out. I felt like shit. I couldn’t keep it off. My mind couldn’t do it.

All this to say, up until this past year I didn’t realize how much of my not being able to lose weight had to do with emotional weight. It wasn’t about the food. It was about my mental and emotional state. And it all hit home for me late last year.

Last year was a very stressful one for me personally, and I gained 30lbs because of it. Maybe the 30lbs was over the course of a year and a half or two years, but I’d say the bulk of it was last year. 30 lbs, guys. Yep. It was rough. But I also was not in a headspace to lose weight and keep it off. Sure I’d lose some here and there, but could not keep it off for the life of me. I’d emotionally eat and literally put on weight due to stress. Stress can manifest itself in so many different ways, and this go around for me, it showed up as pounds. But like I said, I was not in a mental state to lose weight and keep it off. So I stopped focusing on it.

Fast forward to late last year and my anxiety was through the roof. I’ve talked about this on IG before, but my anxiety got BAD. The feeling of panic attacks reappeared, and it was AWFUL. Then things started clicking in my life, and tough decisions were made, and life started to make sense again, and I started losing all the weight I gained.

I could not lose my physical weight until I lost the emotional weight.

Once the emotional heaviness had lifted, the pounds started coming off. Not on their own; I’ve been working at it, but my mind had to be in the right mental state to do it. And I couldn’t force myself to be and feel in the right place until I was ready.

And then I began. And I haven’t looked back. I now realize it was never about the food. It was about where I was mentally. Not being able to lose weight and keep it off was so much more for me than just telling myself “don’t eat that, eat this.” There was SO much more going on; it went so much deeper.

So, now, here I am. I’ve lost pretty much all the weight I gained last year, but I do still have some more I’d like to lose and a lot of toning I need to do!! But I feel great. I’m proud of myself, not just for losing the weight, but for getting to the root of it, for not brushing it under the rug, for being honest with myself, even when the honesty was a tough pill to swallow. I’m not perfect and I definitely don’t have a perfect body, but I feel good in my skin, and that’s what matters.

I’ve gotten the following questions on Instagram countless times: “How did you lose weight? What are you eating and doing for workouts?”

And I’m hesitant to answer because this is just what worked for me, and like I said, I’m NOT a licensed professional in this arena. But because you asked and I promised I’d answer, below is what eating and working out typically looks like for me.

Eating:

During the weekdays –

I’m not a big breakfast person. I never really have been. On the weekends sometimes yes, but during the week I’m just not. So, I eat a reduced fat string cheese, then I’ll work out, and then I’ll usually have some almonds after my workout. This also is because during the rona I’m sleeping a tad later than I normally do, so I end up not eating the aforementioned foods until a bit later and then lunch is soon after so I don’t need to really eat a large breakfast.

For lunch, it usually ends up being one of the following:

-tuna fish (usually 2 cans) mixed with either olive oil, red wine vinegar, some balsamic glaze, Nature’s Seasoning, and maybe some garlic powder…or sometimes I’ll mix in a laughing cow wedge (sort of acts like mayo), and sometimes I’ll mix one can of tuna with water chestnuts (random, I know) and season it all up, maybe with EBTB seasoning, too.

-veggie burgers (always 2; Dr. Praeger’s) with ketchup

-if I have deli meat in the house, I’ll have turkey breast in a salad with olive oil, red wine vinegar, parmesan cheese, and good season’s

-soup (I love Rao’s or the Amy’s low sodium options)

-grilled chicken nuggets from Chick-fil-A (sometimes I’ll eat them on their own, sometimes I’ll put them in a salad like I do with the deli meat)

-southwestern salad with grilled chicken from Chick-fil-A (I get it without tortilla strips and pepitas, and I use my own dressing like above and add EBTB seasoning)

-turkey meatballs (frozen, out of the bag…microwave, easy!) with truffle oil or tomato sauce or ketchup (I’m a weird eater sometimes)

I’m no longer a big snack person, and I think part of it has to do with, again, the later breakfast, later lunch, and then somewhat of an early dinner that seems to be happening these days. But if I’m hungry I’ll eat. Either almonds or maybe almond butter or I’ll run out and grab a soy iced latte (I’m not a coffee person, but I do like these with decaf coffee).

And now with dinner, it’s often a variation of one of the lunch options from above actually. Now, this is if I’m eating at home. If I’m out, of course, it’s different (but let’s be real, not really going out much these days…), but during the week even if I order in or something – it’ll be protein and veggies, and very little to no carbs. So I might get a cheeseburger no bun with a salad and/or veggies. Or a taco salad without the shell. Sometimes I’ll make some ground beef at home and put it with a salad.

And for my dessert / sweet treat, 8 times out of 10 it’s dark chocolate chips. I love them so much. I don’t count them out. I eat them out of the bag like a savage. I would imagine it ends up being a few tbsp worth. They’re dark chocolate, so I can only eat so many before it almost becomes bitter, if that makes sense. If I’m not eating chocolate chips, I’ll have a Yasso or Enlightened bar.

And that’s my day!

Now on the weekends, it’s a tad different. I allow myself to enjoy all the things on the weekend. Not crazy where I can’t get my shit back together for Monday, but I will, hands down, polish off a full box of whole wheat pasta myself over a weekend, I’ll down a medium-sized Domino’s pizza, I’ll eat more carbs, I’ll have a larger breakfast sometimes, and I just eat what I want and what my body wants. I don’t deny it what it’s craving, and I think that’s why this has worked for me. And I’m always ready to get back to the “cleaner” foods Monday. It’s like my body has had enough and wants to go back to “normal.”

It’s funny because while I didn’t work with a dietitian or follow a plan or a diet, it did end up being very low carbs during the weekdays. So when someone says “what did you do?” I guess you could say low carbs? It wasn’t necessarily intentional, but it ended up happening that way, but because I have “whatever” on the weekends, I don’t end up feeling deprived. And as you see, I’m not limiting my olive oil intake, for example, and I allow myself cheese… I can’t live in a world where one can’t eat olive oil or cheese!! and Wine. I forgot to mention wine. I don’t limit that at all. I drink wine every day and damn proud of it.

Working out:

I work out 5-6 days/week with 30-minute workouts. I alternate between 30-minute Peloton rides and 28-minute obé fitness workouts (dance cardio, circuit, pilates, barre, etc), and sometimes I’ll just randomly google 30-minute videos on YouTube that look good for a workout. I love certain workouts and those are the ones I’ll do. I don’t force myself to do something I don’t want to do (i.e. I’m not a runner, so I do not run.) I genuinely enjoy these workouts and that’s made all the difference. And I also don’t want to work out for more than 30 minutes a day, and so I don’t. Because then I won’t look forward to it.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – It’s not about motivation, it’s about discipline. I’m not always motivated to work out, but I’m disciplined with it. I tell myself I need to do this to feel the way I want to feel and so I do it. That’s life, though, right? Sometimes you gotta do things you’re not dying to do. Sometimes working out falls into that category, and you push yourself to do it anyway.

WOW. That was, by far, the longest post I’ve ever written on my website. If you made it this far, you deserve a medal. But really, I hope this post inspires those who were looking for some inspiration and/or sheds some more light into my story and who I am.

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me or email me. I’d be happy to chat.

Thanks so much, guys! xoJulie